At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Found your dick twin last night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
