My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am available for nakedness
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
