Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
