both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
