I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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