i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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