In the future we'll all be gay
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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