i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
