It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
