I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
being pregnant is like rehab
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up under a house in Key West
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