No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
