Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
