I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Terrible idea I love it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
