Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
