Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
