Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
