I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
