The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
