if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
