I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
