Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
