I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
