Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I cut my penus on the lid.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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