I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
