I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dick very happy bro
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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