Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
