:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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