Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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