I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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