a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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