One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
