I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
