Define "chronic" masturbator.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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