Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
