Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize