she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
