so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize