Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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