Got a toothbrush?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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