How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
