i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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