Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
