Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
