Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
