I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize