did you get engaged???
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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