Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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