I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
