I just cut my nipple shaving
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
