one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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