i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
