I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
