he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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