No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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