My first STD was from a foam party
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
