I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The beer is more important than you right now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
