True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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