Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize