You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
