respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
