Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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