Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
