Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
