You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
