Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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