I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
