I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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