Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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