i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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