haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
