You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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