he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
