call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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