his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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