She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
