I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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