I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize