I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
