u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize