Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
