Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
