you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
