but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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