According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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