The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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