If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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