My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
