we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
